Back from the grave, King Richard III gets rehab. Translation: Their old, dead white guys are more important than ours.
An asteroid is coming, and scientists are excited. Fear not, Earth is safe. Translation: Now that the first part of that headline panicked you, don't panic.
Five things to know about North Korea's planned nuclear test. Translation: Don't worry about that man behind the curtain... He's only weapons of mass destruction, and not trying to hide it.
How to keep the Arab Spring blossoming. Translation: You stupid Western infidels fell for another ruse but we're (CNN) going to keep it going just 'cause we're even dumber.
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How to protect your digital data from a vengeful ex. Translation: There are now 500 electronic ways to screw your lover.
Assignment: The war through your eyes: Iraq 10 years on. Translation: CNN is on a fishing expedition for future stories.
All images from CNN.com
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